on a high

Theres no way im gonna let Jas back in my life again. Ive woken up and im not going to be controlled by him and be pressured into doing things i didnt want to do, no fucking way. Ive made a lucky escape and yeah i nearly didnt make it but everything is slowly coming together again.
Dancing (i hate to say it) was an absoloute star on tuesday! we went for a random ride and spotted a herd of deer so we went to investiagte and got really close to them it was brill!! Then we followed them down into holford combe and i got lost!! we ended up right at the far bottom of the combe and there was a gorge grassy track so naturally for me and dancing we turned round and went hell for leather. The track was also quite snakey and we went flying round a corner only to discover a gert bloody log across the track knocking on 3 foot which for dancing bless her was a bit of a bloody shock, but she loves jumping so i just kept the leg on coz lets face it we werent gonna stop anyway and she flew it. Then we discovered that we were on the cross country course track which has got loads of natural jumps so we carried on and did more logs, banks, ditches and a water jump. Dancing bloody loved it and when we were back on turf we knew she wanted to go and as she had been so good i let her and i have never been so fast in all my life and i am being bloody serious when i say that!!!! i didnt even kick her on or anything so christ knows what speed we could have got to, its quite scary actually!!!
Then i spent the afternoon with chris and it was really cool. we went for a walk and messed around on the quadbike and chilled for a bit, it was so good coz he actually accepts me for who i am.
Im back in dorset at the mo as im going to a racehorse place type thing and desert orchid is going to be there and it might be his last public appearence before he goes to the heavens so naturally me and mum have to go and see!!!
Oh and in the october hols chris has promised to take me hunting on the quad as he'll have his licence then!!! yipee!!!
love sqk!
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Fucking Prick

Great last night Jas finally gets round to speaking to me, just when id got him out of my head. Make no mistakes i certainly don't like him again cos ive woken up to him and realised how much he controlled me and my life!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!
Lets just say that apparently im going to get my head kicked in at the disco and it wouldnt surprise me if Jas did it himself. Thing is Jas is after Chris why i don't know coz if Jas is soooooo glad to have got rid of me then why is he soooooooooo bothered that im with Chris??? Well to save Chris i've got to speak to Jas face to face on my own at the disco and we are going to have a bloody good chat coz im going to make him listen to a few home truths, like why i ended it with him and stuff i may even make him listen about what he's done to me for the past few months and i might as well tell him about Toy as well to make him understand why i havent given up and why i wont be beaten, she sent me back for a reason and im not gonna stop til ive found that reason.
What if me and chris arent right though? Am i just clutching at straws in desperation or is it real? truth is im not so sure anymore. I FUCKING HATE JAS JUST WHEN ID GOT MY LIFE BACK HE COMES ALONG AND STAMPS ALL OVER IT, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DO IT TO ME WHY?

You just have to Remember

Please God save them

Freedom's what it's all about

reminds me of something...

Fuck 'em, fuck the lot of 'em!!

ok for some reason my fighting spirit has returned. its great in fact its absoloutely bloody marvelous.
And yeah all my nightmares should be over, christ it's about time. But i will always miss Toy, nothing will ever change that and no one will change it. And she will always be in my heart until the day I join her but she wouldn't of sent me back otherwise. Im going to acheive my dreams for i owe it to Toy and all the others. Horses saved my life, i'm forever in their debt. So i will reach my goals and acheive my ambitions. Yeah some of them may be crazy and certain people may turn their noses up and laugh but im gonna damn well get there. Its really stupid but just the small things make me feel good about myself. Like getting my eyebrow pierced, someone said i couln't but "its my life" and i've got it done and its a kind of fuck you statement!!!
I'm alive again, i'm me again but once again come out stronger.
Theres been so many fuck ups in my life but things are starting to take a turn for the good.
I know i'm highly strung, slighltly mad, i can have one hell of an attitude but its me! ME ME Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im a bitch in training and ive now been trained and got the qualifications!!
His texts have gone, his photos have gone, hes out of my fucking life thank fucking god!
so yeah whats been happening lately?
beths party: fucking bril even though i was ill!!! havent had so much fun in ages, maybe cos a certain person wasnt there or what?
Eyebrow pierced: YEY!!!!!!!!!!! i got it done!!! so neh ne ne ne ne nah!!! Fuck you ***!!!
Chris: Yep we r together again!! tee hee!!!!!!!!!!
Dancing: Still ill the poor darling but her ground works bloody amazing at the mo!! and our bonds got going! maybe cos we are both crazy and speed freaks!!
Gatcombe: YES!! il be seeing Cavi on Sunday!! the bloody gorgeous superstar he is!
Hunting! Thank you God! i was having withdrawl symptons!! Riding on monday with bubz!! dunno how my arms are gonna take Jess!! But after Dancing they should be used to it! hmm i think not!!
Luv sqk!!!!!!!!!!!!
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