I DON'T GIVE A SHIT BUT I SHOULD GIVE A FUCK

to be honest it hasn't sunk in.
after all i said and thought it didn't mean a thing, again.
i really, really thought he was someone special. But to finish it with me and not say anything? I had to find out from other people. Come on, how does someone you love do that? Thing is he really doesn't seem to care, not one bit.
so...
I DONT GIVE A SHIT BUT I SHOULD GIVE A FUCK
Thing is tomorrow i know i will give a fuck.

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these blue green eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together but so broken up inside
Cause I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Swollow me then spit me out
For hating you I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No I don't cry on the outside
ANYMORE!


What was really nice was that henry and tim rang me and cheered me up heaps, in fact if it wasn't for them i'd be crying my eyes out still right now. Poor Henry, he thinks it was all his fault and it took me ages to get in his head that it wasn't, so he's still coming down on the 23rd. Then dear old Moley rang me. Bless him, he's so sweet! He was really worried about me and he said that he's really worried that i'm going to do something stupid (he said that as i was eyeing up my migraine tablets so maybe it was good that he rang). Its really strange though how right now i'm feeling nothing. I thought i'd be hanging from a tree right now but i'm here, i mean this is me and i'm still here. I don't want to wake up tomorrow though. It wasn't the fact that we broke up, what hurt me so much was that he didn't have the guts to tell me and everyone else knew way before me but "i'll get my revenge in this life or the next" and that goes to Mel Julian and Jasmine Pierce too. Cos i have nothing to loose anymore. I think thats why i don't give a shit at school anymore. I don't care what happens to me. From now on i'm no longer gonna play life safe i'm gonna live as dangerously as i can. Coz as my fav rally driver said "if you have nothing to loose and your not scared of death then you can conquer all your dreams and goals".

So you swallow your pride
Put your heel on the gas
And you're laughing inside about kicking your ass
And you gotta stand up,If you don't then you're just falling down

Why don't you
Turn your car around
Forget your way back home
Cos it's not me there anymore
Turn your car around
You're better off alone
I'll pick myself up off the floor

So I tell you it's black,but you know that's white
See everything's cool
When you don't have to fight
There's nothing outside
In the darkness waiting for you
And I wish it was true...

So i've got everything to play for and nothing to loose...
I've got my Dr's tomorrow as well so i won't be in until third lesson or lunchtime, depending if we make a slight detour and see what the hounds are doing!!
I'm really not looking forward to it. The doctor said i could have one of two symptons 1. im aneamic or 2. im diabetic. Great eh? I know it's really bad to think this but i may be lucky and have something worse.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,Make a change, and break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away


But before i do breakaway theres things i gotta do, things ive gotta say. And im gonna say em loud and clear. Today i got told i had changed alot over the last year. It worried me a bit what if Toy doesn't like or recognise the 'new' me. I don't think i've changed much though...
What i dont understand is if i loved Chris more than Jas why is loosing Chris so painless at the mo?
Oh well, roll on leaving school. Then i get to do what i want to do with no fucker else telling me or standing over me. And i don't have to wave goodbye to my dreams for someone else now either. At least it'll make saying goodbye a whole lot easier. All i have to face now is leaving scarlett, bubz, tinky and yeas dear old moley too (but like i told him tonight, i'm sure they have moles in Ireland, not sure bout spain or montanna though!?) And then there's leaving Star... And then there's leaving Toy. But i'm not really leaving her coz she is with me wherever i go, she's safe in my heart and no one can ever take her away. And she said to follow my dreams...