Maybe all men should just join the Royal Society for Pricks Cunts and Assholes

lifes really strange at the mo
im worried for scarlett coz ive been there before and i know what its like.
i found it real hard writing that letter it made me think about whats happened.
jas is driving me mad. one minute he's telling me he still loves me and that he always will, i kept catching him looking over at lunch and then he still carries on telling the same old lie and calling me a slut? i wonder would i still be here if i was still with him.
A few days after i broke up with jas i saw he wasnt the person i fell in love with. i dont know why or how he changed but hes certainly not the jas i know anymore.
im so happy with chris. but then i start to get worried coz what happens if it goes wrong again. i dont know wether to trust my heart and stay with him or wether to quit while im ahead coz one things for sure i couldnt face having my heart ripped out again, especially by chris coz i love him more than ive ever loved a someone before, certainly more than what i loved jas. i just wish i could spill my heart out to chris and tell him this and say everything i said to scarlett in that letter, maybe i should show him the letter? im stuck and really confused. i love him but does he love me and if so for how long?
Then we all talk about leaving. My heart is screaming for ireland or spain but chris has different dreams. so what happens then?
someone please help
why arent you here when i need you toy. i went to toys grave today and told her everything but i need her here with me, i need to just put my arms around her neck and bury my head in her mane and feel safe and secure.
God, why do you have to put me through such shit. just let me go home after ive helped scarlett. for fucks sake, im begging you.