Dying on the Inside..

i want out and i want out now
nothing more nothing less
there's nothing left to live for nothing left to do
i've had enough
enough of certain people
enough of all the guilt, grieving and my broken promise to Toy
for three years ive kept it all inside
now its starting to show
apparently people can see it in my eyes (or so i was told earlier)
i want to be able to set myself free
life is such a bitch why wont it let me go?
i dont care how many tell me that there is a god - there isnt. cos if there was then ive said a million desperate prayers asking him to get me out of here and he hasnt. so he cant be real. Or if he is he aint the good guy cos he's making me suffer down here and i thought he was supposed to releive the suffering?
No matter what reckless thing i do, no matter what risk i take, i always come out on the other side in one piece. i expect if i jumped off the highest building in the world then id probably land on safely - thats how unfair and fucked up this whole fucking cruel world is.