Scars and Wounds that Never Heal

Its funny how you just think you are getting over something when it all comes flooding back and hits home once again.
I thought i was getting over Jas, I still loved him for i always will, but the need to be with him, speak to him or even see him wasn't so great as it was, in fact it didn't worry me in the slightest. Then today when i was packing for work experiance i found something. Its going to sound sooooo stupid! But i found a screwed up T-shirt in the back of my wardrobe (must have just got chucked there in one of my mad five minutes) but anyway, i realised that i had last worn it in bed with Jas (no comments guys!!) and of course as it had been forgotten about it hadn't been washed and it really smelt strongly of him! (Not a yucky BO smell or anything but just his normal personal smell kinda thing if you get what i mean!) So i miss him all over again, i keep wondering what he's doing (what we might be doing if we hadn't split), i'm desperate to hear from him and to see his face. At the mo its under my pillow as a sort of comforter thing!!!!
Its strange no matter how many guys flirt with you, chat you up, go out with, say they love you you never hear it from the person you want to hear it from the most. You can have any guy except the one you want. Ain't life a complete and utter bitch?
Mel J is shit stirring again as per usual. Apparently she's telling everyone how she thinks that there's summat going on between me and chris (which could never happen anyway - we've been friends too long) so that doesn't really help things does it? Can't she just leave me alone? She's hurt me as much as she can by taking Jas away, isn't that enough?
I'm going to May's tomorrow. At least i can forget about everything and turn my back on my life here and be free for a whole week. You never know i might not come back home at all but thats just too much to ask for i suppose, cos if you want out, you have to get out by yourself.

Loving Memories: The Grieving Process
What a wonderful responsibility we take on when we bring a pet into our lives. With the help and guidance from veterinarians, we provide a loving, safe and healthy environment for our pets who share everything with us. Pets see us through marriages, divorces, and the birth of children. Pets endure separation and welcome us back as if we. d been away forever. They are the best pals we have for accepting us as we are.
But one day, that constant will become one of our losses. And when the kind face and acceptance we used to turn to is gone, where do we go for comfort?
One of the most difficult and important parts of grief and loss is seeking to understand what has happened and that what you are feeling is all right. Your sense of loss may encompass your life and that is all right. You have that right to grieve and you can take as much time as you need. In a busy and demanding world, the trick is to take the time.
There are many stage of grief, and none of them are absolute. Time frames vary from person to person. Generally, the stages include:
1. Shock/disbelief/denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining (often with God)
4. Depression
5. Acceptance/resolution/recovery
Ideally these sages are supposed to progress from stages one through five in predictable fashion. But often this just doesn't. t happen. Many don. t go through all of the stages, and almost everyone will be thrown back into and out of these stages before the healing truly begins. You may find yourself very close to resolution when a memory or anniversary of your pet. s passing knocks you back into the anger or denial stage. Not only is this understandable but it is also a fact of life. Give yourself time.

Suggestions for Coping with Pet Loss
Take care of your body. The body is the container of the mind which is now feeling intense emotion. Nurturing it in the following ways will ease your grieving process. *Nutrition: eat healthy meals even if your appetite is reduced. *Sleep: be sure to get at least 5-8 hours daily, no more, no less. *Exercise: even walking will help your mood in this difficult time.
Talk to people who can empathize with your grief. Consistent interaction and sharing with those you feel comfortable around will be most beneficial.
Maintain structure in your life by continuing to do the activities you did before the loss, with the exception of those you did with or for your pet. Do not allow this major disruption to snowball into every aspect of your life. Structure will help your regain your bearings.
Perform a ritual when you feel the time is right. Some have funerals at a pet cemetery or memorials with friends and family. Others may create a small shrine for a brief time.
Allow yourself to feel sadness and loss. Grief is a normal response to a normal occurrence, yet each person goes through it differently. If you feel as though you cannot recover, or it you have thoughts of self-harm, contact a mental health professional immediately.

Broken hearts never mend
only for certain reasons
you don't need me
love's sea
is getting shallow
I can see it in front of you
there's nothing for me to see here
it is clear
and is showing
Never knew that falling apart was more than pain
loneliness has rung the doorbell
the whole world makes me plain
like white paint on a flat wall

At the beginning our relationship was great, we were always together hand in hand... I loved him sooo much. I knew I could never love another the way I loved him. I wanted to be with him forever but I guess forever was too long for him…He didn't really give me a reason why he dumped me. All he could say was "I'm sorry"... I was so mad. I cried for a while thinking, what did I do to deserve this. I gave him my all. He had my heart, body, and soul but I guess to him that wasn't enough...I still love him with all my heart. I wish, someday, he would realize that no other girl could love him the way I do and always will...

How do you repair a heart that's broken?
How do you heal the wounds?
How do you ever trust another?
How do you love so soon?
You left me asking these questions,
You left me alone to wonder.
How could I know you'd leave me,
And break the spell I'm under?
We had a love like fairy tales-
Prince Charming on one knee.
I thought I was your Cinderella,
But I was too blind to see.
The love you had came from another,
Someone I'm afraid to know.
So now I hide within myself,
So my pain-filled eyes won't show.
You've made it hard to trust another,
Making sure no paths are crossed.
Since you never knew what you had,
You'll never know now what you've lost!
My heart was all for giving,
But all you did was take.
I know one day I'll love again,
And learn from my mistakes.

I sit here...
Thinking of you
Thinking about the memories we shared
I miss them and I miss you
Since the moment you said good-bye
I haven’t been the same
Something’s been missing...
It's my smile
People began to feel sorry for me
They would be afraid to laugh
Their smiles began to fade along with mine.
So, now this smile I wear
I wear it every day
Taking it off only
When I'm in my room at night
Then I let it all out
My pillow is wet from the tears
I lie there until I fall asleep
I just need you to hold me tight
I need to hear you say
Those sweet words to me just once more
So I can take you in my arms
And hold onto you forever...
I wish I could just leave
The fake smile at home
So they would all realize
My suffering isn't over
My heart is still broken
Into a million pieces
At the bottom of my soul
I wish they knew
So I could have some comfort
So they could tell me
It's going to be all right.
My life without you
Has been so unbearable to live
And I hate every second I breathe
Because it just proves
I can live without you...
Only God knows
How much I miss you
He only knows how much I cry
With every tear that falls
My heart gets weaker
And my hope for 'us' fades.
I had so much faith in our love
I thought that it alone
Could get us through anything
People say time heals the hurt
But if they lost someone like you
They would know- it isn't true
You tried to tell me things will get easier
With every day that goes by
I hate it when I get asked
How we're doing
I hate to disappoint them
And tell them
We exist no longer...
Please tell me this isn't what you wanted
Please tell me what I feel is real
Good-byes don't have to last forever
Because I know...
We were meant to be together

As I look at the stars tonight

I wonder where you are

And if you are alright

I try not to think about you and what we had

'Cause when I do, it only makes me sad

I don’t know why I can’t let my memories of you go

I guess that’s why I carry such a deep love

For you within my soul

I know you don’t love me and haven’t for some time

I just wish I could set these feeling for you free

And finally clear you from my mind

I have no harsh feeling towards you

But I’ve bottled up lots of regrets

Because of things I did do

And that’s something I’ll never forget

But you can’t turn back the hands of time

If only I could be loved like I was back then

I wish I could fill this void in my life

And the pain in my heart- it cuts me like a knife

And rips my world apart

My tears fall gently through the night

But through the day I pretend everything is alright

I’ve tried to love someone else

But my heart won’t allow me to

'Cause when I’m with him

All my thoughts go back to you

I wonder how our lives would have been

If things had turned out better

Knowing I would have you now

If you had never met 'her'

And I guess that’s something you couldn’t forget

We had our problems but...

That’s something every relationship goes through

But you wouldn’t even give me a chance

To try and work things out with you

I know we could have worked things out

But you wouldn’t try

And you would always get mad when

I would start to cry

You told me you loved me the night you left

When I closed the door

Then you called me the next day

And said you didn’t love me anymore

I just hope you are happy

And have all the love you’ll ever need

But, if you’re not and you need someone to love you

Then just come back to me

Because I’m not the same person I was,

I’ve changed But my love for you... is still the same

I miss your smile, I miss your face
Your touch, your laugh, your warm embrace
I miss your body pressed against mine
everything we had has all faded with time
I miss every sacred kiss right up to the last
It hurts inside real bad
Knowing it's all memories of my past
I miss the way you used to gaze deep into my eyes
How you read me inside and out
Even heard my silent cries
I miss the way you loved me
'Til the time you raised your hand
How can you physically hurt someone you love
I'll never understand
I miss you being with me
I can't take it that we're apart
My brain can understand
But I can't get it through my heart
I miss everything about you
From your cute little head right down to ur toes
I know I shouldn't want you
But my heart won't let you go...
I miss you

I don't know what to do
I'm stuck between what's wrong and right
All I can do
Is cry at night
I try to talk
But no words come out
When I do speak
I just shout
I shout at the top of my lungs
For anyone to hear
I just want someone,
Someone to care
I'm tired of being lonely
I'm tired of keeping it all in
I need someone to make me smile
Someone to make me grin
I'm a scared and hurt girl
Who has stories to tell
I would tell them
But I don't want you to yell
I've made some mistakes
And ruined my life
I'll never be the same
I'll still feel the cut like from a knife
Why I had to do it
And ruin my dreams...
I'll never know
But I'm all alone now in this world it seems...

why did you hurt me?
why did you go and leave?
why did you say those things,
that you really didn't mean?
why do i still love you?
why can't i let you go?
why don't i see u left me to be,
without you on my own?
why do i want you back?
you don't deserve what i have,
why do i always think about,
what me and you had?
why am i here still crying?
my love for you is not yet dying,
why won't you come back to me,
and be the guy that i need?

Don't fall for someone who doesn't love you back.Hold on to what you have because if there's one thing I know... you don't know what you have till you loose it- and I lost it.

I sit here all alone.Trying to think of words to say to you.Trying to figure out.If you still think of me too.I held in my emotions.Tried not to let you see.Because I was hurting so much.I wanted you to be with me.We laughed at the stories we told.I felt so happy because you were there.Then I started to remember.All the memories we shared.My eyes filled with tears.I tried not to let you see.I didn't want you to feel bad.I didn't want you to pity me.

it was a foolish move on my part
reaching for you
seeing you again brought the emotions
pouring... ever alive
the smile.... yes, i saw the light in your eyes
yes, i saw the way you looked up-
surprised
but it was a foolish move on my part
exposing again the love
that brought such pain.
oh, but the smile in your eyes
it was worth the wait, the risk
of the desire to stay with you
but it was a foolish move on my part
... what a foolish heart

If it were up to me
I'd be back in your arms
feeling safe and secure
protected from all harm.
But it's not my decision
it's all up to you
I can't change your mind
or tell you what to do.
You know I want you back
just look into my eyes
they reveal how I feel
and how hard I will try.
I do not give up that easily
as you have seen in the past
but I will not drive you crazy
you will not be harassed.
I know when to stop
I can tell when enough has been done
and if you become upset
I know it's time to move on.
But until that day comes
I'm right by your side
with or without you
no matter what you decide.

Make sure you're with the right person before you do anything else. Be careful; don't let your heart get broken... like I did!

I sit here and wonder,
How it could be.
If you never left,
And were still here with me.
My life wouldn't be a mess,
It would be in one piece.
I wouldn't have all these emotions,
That I need to release.
I'd be in your arms,
Right about now.
So no one could harm
Neither you nor I.
You were my savior,
And heavens above.
I'd be feeling you,
And all of your love.
But I guess this can't be,
I mean...
You are there,
I am here.
You love her,
And don't love me.

When a tear runs down my check
It cools the pain and makes me weak
I thought of the love we had
And all it does is makes me mad
About how you left me and never came back
But I know where we messed up, where we lack
You said, "This will hurt me
more than it will hurt you!"
And now I know that is not true
It hurts me more, this I know
Because I found out
that the love you had for me was all a show
Why didn't you care?
I thought you loved me, but it just wasn't there
You found the shape of my heart
How dare you tear it apart?
A joke, you never thought it would go this far
But your love hit me hard,
just like a truck or a car
I hope you read this poem someday
And figure out the love you had that you threw away
You will never have me to love again
I thought this was the beginning,
but now it's the end
The pain is gone, this is true
You played with love,
and now love will play with you

If he tells YOUR friends he likes you and tells HIS friends he doesn't like you... don't waste your time!!