Letting go and moving on...possibly the two most hardest things in life?...

Now when i look at chris i can only picture him with someone else. I told him things i should never have told but if he cant face my truths then he wont except me for who i am. My heart has let him go but my mind is screaming no. but he's gone like everything else...
I still love Jas and it hurts so much when people bring up his name. i miss him too. I mean today for the first time since we split i actually wrote i love J.H on my hand. I know im clinging onto the past but the past is all i have left...
I mean me and him, We could sit and talk about this all night long And wonder why we didn't last Yes they might be the best days We will ever know But we'll have to leave them in the past Because there's two people standing in our way...
That same old look in your eyes It's a beautiful night I'm so tempted to stay But too much time has gone by We should just say goodbye And turn and walk away
If only life was that simple...
No, I'll never forget you I'll never let you out of my heart You will always be here with me I'll hold on to the memories babyYeah Somewhere I know you'll be With me Someday in another time But right now you're gone You just vanished away But I'll never leaveYou behind...
Then theres Toy and Star...both your lifes were a tribute to the horse's unbreakable spirit. you bothe overcame odds, over and over again, nothing could ever break either of you. and in your struggles to overcome whatever life handed you, you took me along for the ride. you both made a little girl believe her dreams could come true, that she could do anything, that not all was lost...you both made a little girl beleive she could do anything because you both could do anything. you were both there for me when my family and friends failed me in so many ways, but neither of you ever failed me. you two have been the only stable things in my life. ..
Dreaming of Ireland is all that keeps me hoping and belieiving that someday evrything will be ok. Its my one hope left in this world and 'she' has to put it down. i know she will never visit me i guess she will be to wrapped up in her own world with 'him'. at least scarlett and faye will come out and keep in touch. they are the only two apart from my mum and grandparents that i have in the world to trust and tell things. Toy's gone and Star i fear wont be long behind her now...and thats my fault...i broke my promise and let her down, just like i did to Toy...i feel such a worthless fucking stupid bitch for letting my two angels down in the world.
AND THEN THAT FUCKING BITCH TELLS ME TO SPEAK TO JACKIE. DOES SHE CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS? DOES SHE UNDERSTAND? IF I SPOKE TO HER ID BE STARING STARS MUDERER IN THE FACE, OR AM I THE MURDERER? IF THAT IGNORANT BITCH KEEPS BREAKING HEALING WOUNDS THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WOULD SHE TALK CIVILY TO DIVA AND ARWENS OWNER? I THINK NOT.
i think that if i dont manage to move to ireland after my fucking GCSE's then i'll end up in a coffin sooner than i planned cos i can't stay here for much longer. i'm already starting to give up on the place where i live, take school for example.
i've just lost everything apart from one word which keeps me going; IRELAND...